Just in: Reports that under cover of darkness, sometime in the early hours of this morning a group of Royal Marine Catmandos assisted by special forces from the Prince of Wales Pantycelyn Teigr Battalion (1st Stripe) have staged a military coup in Aberystwyth. Details are uncertain but it is believed that armed Catmandos stormed the Vice Chancellor’s Office and Kidnapped University mascot, Dewi the Dolphin, thought to have been sleeping peacefully in his tank at the time. Fierce fighting then broke out between Catmandos and university security, where several porters were hit by a barrage of hairballs and kitty-litter.
A statement from Leopard in Chief, Sir Lucius Wellington Malcat was issued at 9am today: “Professor McMahon; we demand that a leopard is made the new Aberystwyth mascot with immediate effect. Otherwise we are going to eat the dolphin. Nom. Sushi.”
We will bring you updates on this situation as they happen.